Broken hearts And Broken eggs

     'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
     And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
    Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
    And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street

      On Sunday, I was at Timber Ridge elementary. I haven't been there since fifth grade (when I went for like a day or two and didn't have any classes). But I remember the way it was. And I remember how the school was so big and the playground was so colorful. I remember how everything fit, from the benches to the monkey bars to the stairs. I remember how the adult teachers were stern, but kind. Perfect, at least in those small little kids eyes. The adults were always right, and there was almost no question about that. But, its different now. We are practically adults. Juniors. Seniors in two months. College in a year after. And all of those things have changed. Adults aren't perfect. Those benches are too small. The steps are too short to be comfortable. And those dreams that once fit and the Friends I once had are no longer the ones I own. I wanted to be a soldier, a politician, a king. I wanted to be famous, important, loved. I wanted to be happy.
     And am I happy? I guess so. I had a lot of fun at prom. I enjoyed the After party immensely. I've fallen in and out of love. I've got good grades. I don't have to really on drugs. I have great friends I can trust. And what do I have to complain about?: Nothing. And what do I want to be now that I'm older and more mature and those dreams and hopes have grown and died like blades of grass? Happy. Myself. Loved.

Choices

Can we bring yesterday back around?
'Cos I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down
But I know how I feel about you now

There is your daily serving of Miranda Cosgrove.

Anyway, I've discussed this topic with Brandon and Rissa (Paul's Fiancee): My incredible indesciveness. I just don't like making choices. And I feel like I should explain that. Often, making a choice is just soooooo hard. Both options are good, and you like both. But if you make a choice, you lose that other option. And what if one choice has better outcomes, but not necesarily guaranteed. What if that choice is risky and has really bad outcomes as well? Sure, you can say, "take the risk." But that's oversimplifying the matter. There can be so much at stake. What if you just don't know, what if you don't know what you want?

If a Song Could Get Me You

So here it is, here it goes
I could try rock and roll
I would change your life forever too
If a song could get me you
I could make it high or low
Sing it on the radio
If that is what I need to do
If a song could get me you

If a song could get me through
I'd sing my way, right back to you
Tell me how, to make it right
Tell me now, I'll start tonight
I know I could make it last

Well, I wrote about the rain at night, so I thought  I should write a companion piece, especially since the weather has been so great recently.

Sunlight and a cool breeze and green and blue and chirping birds.Its springtime!

It's the feel of the sun on your toes and the wind softly blowing, whispering secret little words into your ear.The way the light just plays off of the sidewalk and flashes its colors everywhere. Its a special kind of magic, creation. It's spring, with all of those funny little things like new leaves and waking up squirrels and life.

It's the fun we had when we were kids, when we rolled in the grass and played tag in the playground.  When girls gave you cooties and there were no politics and  popularity contests. When tylenol was a drug. It was all so great, and all so fast. Before you know it, like springtime, childhood flashes away into summer. And from then on, its always work. Work to get into college, work to get into grad school, work to get a job, work to get a promotion.

And I guess I didn't appreciate that enough, even though I should have. So I guess the point is that I should take the moment now, take it and hold it and make it last. And I am happy, really happy, for the first time in months. :). I have great freinds, people I can trust. I'm going to prom with the most amazingly perfect girl I know (god, I hope she doesn't read this). So if I could keep these seconds, remember them forever............

Blame it on the Changes

You can blame it on the changes
I can take it any way it is
Just got lost but we both found
We need this more than ever 

So. The rain at night is beautiful. I hate rain when its in the day. Its nasty, dark, moist. The sun is gone, and the world just seems gloomy. Its really hard to be happy when it rains. But at night its different.
When its night, the rain is beautiful. It flits and patters into the street. There's nothing quite like it. And when you stand under a streetlight and you watch the rain fall, its magical.

With that one yellow light watching the water trickle on the street. The way you can't see the rain, but you know its there. that strange wet smell and the charge in the air. the way the rain sounds as it hits the ground, and how it feels when it hits your hands.

Its like that one seen in Spiderman, where Mary Jane meets Spiderman for the first time. and its raining and there are a bunch of creepy beat up men groveling in pain on the street, but the two just ignore that and look at only each other. And as the rain falls and they kiss and the audience "aaawwwss".

I don't really know how to phrase it. but try it sometime. Next time it rains at night, go outside.

Jail......

So, today at school I was thinking about jail, after watching a stupid jail movie. And I was thinking, if you're the right kinda person, Jail might not be all that bad. Other than the constant threat of sexual assult from men who look like cave trolls...... After all, you get clothed and fed pretty well. You don't really have to work, and you get a ton of free time. Like Jeremy Renner said in the movie The Town, "the biggest lie people tell themselves in jail is that they want to leave". Then again, I am not really planning on going to jail, and I would like to avoid it very much. Maybe it actually is terrifying, but according to movies, it seems pretty fine.

Memory

The strange thing about memory is how fleeting and fickle it is. The things you want to remember most are so hazy, a blur of happiness, color, action. But the things you want to forget, the embarassing, stupid moments...... they last. They don't go away; they are long, drawn out, vivid in every single detail. And that may be just me. It may be that my memory is just a jerk.
Anyways, there isn't a lot to talk about. I'm feeling pretty meh, as usual. I haven't figured out yet what I'm gonna do, about anything really. I don't know about prom, except that I might go. (or not, so I guess that I don't know anything) I don't know about life. I don't even know how I'm gonna make it through the next couple days. Whatever.

My first post

            So blog, I woke up this morning, and I was like, "I need a blog in my life...." And then, with some hard work and some luck, I found you. So now, here I am, taking your post virginity..... Don't worry, just relax. Baby, this isn't just some one night stand. You are my blog, and I'll never leave you for anything else. Those other blogs have got nothing on you. You're my first and only....... This is the start of a long (hopefully), fun, beautiful (defineitly), and abusive (probably) relationship. I'm sorry if I neglect you sometimes, if I don't come and post on you.... I apologize ahead of time. But don't worry. You're the one. :-)